Although Jay Elect rips this, it really just makes me wish that other Jay would do a full album with Jus Blaze.
“That FOI, Marcus Garvey, Nicky Tesla. I’ll shock you like an eel electric, feel Jay Electra.”
03
Dec
09
Gorillaz in the “missed”
I miss the Gorillaz.
They changed the whole music scene for me when I was still in high school. I hadn’t heard of anything quite like that before and they introduced me to possibly my favorite producer now Dan the Automator. And I’m a huge advocate of both cartoons and genre-bending so they seemed like a band tailor made for me.
It was four years between the release of their debut and sophomore albums, which would have put them on pace for another album in 2009, but as the year draws to a close it’s clear we won’t see it before the 31st of December comes around. At first there were reports we’d never see another Gorillaz album. Then reports that another one was on the way with newly designed characters (I’m a big fan of the existing designs). Then there were some underwhelming leaked demos, and some reports of guests as varied as Snoop Dogg and Barry Gibb, and a title: Plastic Beach. No news of a release date however, and more importantly no news of a producer.
In the virtual band’s short history, they have cornered the market on picking my new favorite producer. In 2001 they introduced me to Dan the Automator, of Deltron 3030, Dr. Octagon, Peeping Tom, Lovage and Handsome Boy Modeling School. All projects of sheer unadulterated brilliance. He immediately became my favorite producer. In 2005 they introduced me to the architect of the Grey Album, Danger Mouse, who went on to create the stupidly dope duos Gnarls Barkley and Dangerdoom, which composed my life’s soundtrack for the next few years. With no news of a new producer for “Plastic Beach” or whatever the new album will eventually be titled, I’ve decided to try and anticipate the band’s pick for a new album, and therefore create a sort of self fulfilling prophecy for who my new favorite producer will be (the Automator may still have it all-time though).
There are a few pre-requisites it seems to being the next Gorillaz producer, that hopefully I can use to predict the new producer.
1) They need to have started as a DJ.
2) They must have a basis in hip hop production.
3) They must be comfortable working in multiple genres.
4) They must be an up-and-comer in the music industry.
And most importantly…
5) Their name must start with a D.
For some reason the Gorillaz seem to employ a number of personnel who’s names begin with the letter D, including their only two producers to date. Also the Gorillaz founder is named Damon Albarn, and their in house rapper for their first album was Del the Funky Homosapien. On their second album Demon Days, without Del to rap they brought in De La Soul and DOOM. Also randomly, Dennis Hopper is on a track. I think I’ve made my point.
So what follows is my list of candidates for the new Gorillaz producer:
Damon Albarn
He’s been the brains behind the outfit since the beginning, and while he’s not a DJ or a hip hop producer, he has to have picked up some game from the first two albums while working with some of the mad geniuses of hip hop. And since no producer has been announced, who did those first leaked tracks (sure as hell wasn’t Gorillaz artist Jamie Hewlett, who’s seen Tank Girl)? If Damon does in fact produce the new album, expect a lot of old Blur joints to start popping up on this blog.
Dub L
No faster way to look stupid than to tattoo your own name on yourself.
The small amount of material I’ve heard from this man, is still some of my favorite music period. His collaborations with my second favorite rapper Aesop Rock are brillaint (Shere Khan is one of my favorite songs ever) and his work with Ann Colville as the Controls proves he can work outside rap if not necessarily hip hop. Still, he’s very downtempo and I don’t know he has the versatility to pull off a Gorillaz record plus calling him an up and comer is a stretch, he’s seemed to remain in obscurity for years and I don’t think he’ll be coming out anytime soon.
Dabrye
Another niche producer who has quite an underground reputation and not much of one elsewhere. Just the kind of producer Gorillaz love to pull from obscurity. However Dabrye is an IDM (Intelligent Dance Music – the worst named music genre since alternative) artist, and although he produces for mostly rappers (including Gorillaz alumnus DOOM on “Air”) his sound remains clearly in that electronic vibe. Also, like Dub-L, he’d need to pick it up to give Gorillaz those left field dance hits they’re become known for.
Daft Punk
Doesn't this picture make it look like they really walk around like this...
Daft Punk at this point are more than up and comers. They’re an established solo act, and are too established to step backwards and do a Gorillaz album. And although they’re basically DJs, they’re very clearly electronic house, and rarely deviate from that, with few ventures into hip hop or alternative rock. But seriously, how dope would a Daft Punk Gorillaz album be? Come on. Fuckin’ redefine dance music, that’s how dope.
The Dust Brothers
Appointing the Dust Brothers wouldn’t really be recognizing an up and comer, but more like a rescue from irrelevance. The once legendary architects behind the Beastie Boys’ “Paul’s Boutique” have laid pretty low in recen years. They’ve handled a number of Beck albums, none of which have really caught the fire they captured with Odelay (Beck went with post-Gorillaz Danger Mouse for his latest effort). That said they’re versatile enough (did you now they produced Mmm…Bop?) hip hop enough, and definitely ill enough. They’d almost be a shoo-in if they weren’t so old.
Dr. Dre
What? Dr. Dre can do anything.
DJ Shadow
He's already been Gorillazified...
My personal choice for the new Gorillaz album for years, the godfather of instrumental hip hop, is big enough to be a huge get for a new Gorillaz album without overpowering the Gorillaz name. Most people gettin’ busy to the next Feel Good Inc. may have heard of DJ Shadow, but won’t be familiar with his work. Plus DJ Shadow has worked on Gorillaz-esque projects before with the first UNKLE album (pure dope). And DJ Shadow could use a rebound after the disappointing solo hyphy effort The Outsider. That said as INCREDIBLY BRILLIANT AND DOPE as a DJ Shadow Gorillaz album would be, it would also be the most depressing Gorillaz album to date. Shadow CAN make upbeat music, as shown by the Outsider, but it’s not his strength, as shown by the Outsider. So although I think DJ Shadow would make the best Gorillaz album, I think there is a better choice for producer…
Diplo
Diplo is that shit. And it’s not just ’cause I live in Philly, he’s that shit. He’s a DJ, with a hip hop basis, whose worked in different genres and he is the definition of up and coming. He is absolutely perfect for the new Gorillaz album.
One of the masterminds of the electro Hip Hop movement coming out of Philly and Baltimore, Diplo is coming off the success of producing M.I.A.’s Paper Planes (nominated for record of the year at the Grammys) as well as producing for Santigold and Amanda Blank and and being half of another animated character based band Major Lazer. He’s got his hand in careers of a bunch of hipster hip hop acts that are about to pop as that trend heads closer and closer into the mainstream. And he’s good. Plus his Philly sound will give the Gorillaz another influence after going with Bay area funk in Dan the Automator, and Atlanta soul in Danger Mouse. Diplo can do the dance shit easy, but he can do the alternative shit too. He’s the go to guy.
But obviously, none of these guys are going to be the new producer. Why? Well mostly because this list was basically compiled based on how many producers could I think of who’s names started with a D. Secondly because the Gorillaz always pick a producer that I don’t know of, and I then discover through them. I’m pretty familiar with everyone on this list.
So Gorillaz… who’s it gonna be?
Watch it be Dre Day…
Underground throwback joint, remix of The Controls “Coward of the Year”. Two of the illest goin’ in, simple as that.
“An angel gets it’s wings with every blue note I release? Could this be lies, ’cause I’m a spit cobalt ’til every angel flies.”
27
Nov
09
The 5 Women I Need in My Life…
So I’m in the middle of a bit of a dryspell right now. And for the first time in a long time, I actually miss having a girlfriend. So like any good American, when i get lonely, instead of goin’ out and meeting some people, I’ve decided to simply fantasize celebrities.
So here I present to you the 5 women I hope to meet someday soon (maybe I already have), that I expect will serve as the milestones of my relationship future, represented my some of my all time favorite female musicians.
The Best Friend: Alicia Keys
Me and Alicia go way back. We’ve known each other pretty much our whole lives and helped each other through tough times. See Alicia’s a down ass chick. She’s one of those girls that you can just chill with and talk to. Really be yourself around. So we’d just chill and go see a shitty movie and make fun of it, or stop at the bar and watch the game. We’d complain about our respective significant others, or argue about the latest hip hop releases. She was basically one of the dudes, who happened to be cute. She was just that cool.
People at times would ask why we weren’t together, but that was a ridiculous suggestion. She was like my sister. And honestly at times I wondered if she even really liked dudes. She would just find herself in failed relationship after failed relationship. She had a talent for picking losers, and as much as she was one of the guys sometimes you had to wonder, if she wasn’t better off with a chick. But it never actually occurred to me that I may have been the guy she was looking for.
The Ex: Sarah McLachlan
Alicia was the main woman in my life as a ran through a series of meaningless chicks. Then I met Sarah. She was nothing like any woman I’d ever met before. She was elegant, caring, almost mystical, an Angel walking on earth. Her grace was something I’d never come across in a woman before. We were both artists, so we hit it off immediately. We would stay up nights lying together and just talk. Not cracking jokes like Alicia and I, talking about real things: Philosophy, religion, the world and the people in it. I had never met anyone with such a conscientiousness for others, or a comparable depth of spirit. So of course I married her. You don’t meet a woman like that twice in a lifetime.
It didn’t last though. Because what I didn’t realize, is that Sarah was fuckin’ crazy. She was seriously depressed, hung up on a lot issues she has no control over. The bigger problem was though, that she didn’t wanna get better. It was as if that despair seemed to fuel her creativity, and she quite comfortably wallowed in it. I slowly realized that that grace that i had become so smitten with was really quiet sorrow, and it made her impossible to live with.
The Mistress: Beyonce
I couldn’t leave Sarah though. It seemed as if I was the only thing that was holding her up from completely collapsing into her own insecurities. So I did what I thought I’d never do. I stepped out on her. Beyonce was everything that Sarah wasn’t. She was fun, vibrant, full of life, and she approached every aspect of life with a strength that Sarah could only find in her own sadness. Sure she didn’t have the intellectual or emotional depth that Sarah had, but you know… she was a dancer. The sex was ridiculous. We’d lock ourselves in a hotel room for days. Days.
Sarah never found out. But in the end sex wasn’t enough to sustain the affair. I grew bored with her, and she with me. Honestly, I don’t think I was the only guy she was giving the time of their life to on a regular basis anyway. We amicably called it off. I didn’t return to Sarah though, that had run it’s course as well. I asked for a divorce, she didn’t take it well. We don’t speak any longer.
The Wife: Norah Jones
So I was single again, and I decided I needed to put myself out there. And one night in a smoky coffee shop, I met the one. She was as cool and laid back as Alicia, but with the depth and grace of Sarah. She was as fun and sexy as Beyonce, but had a smoldering sensuality that no woman I had met before could match. It was the voice. That voice that sounded like the wind passing through autumn leaves. I had to have her, but she played it cool. She joked with me, and made me chase her. It might have annoyed me if she wasn’t actually funny. Finally I had her. We’ve been together ever since.
Norah and I have three children together, a boy and two little daddy’s girls that look just like her. We’ve grown old and fat together, but of course we still know how to turn each other on. It’s a quiet simple life, but we still find little adventures in it, like getting everyone to school on time. Honeslty, nothing could be better.
The Goddess: Lauryn Hill
Me and Norah have been together for years now and I would never dream of cheating on her. And there are no secrets between us, except for one. There’s another woman. I’ve only met her once, and we’ve only shaken hands but ever since that moment she’s had my heart. Now I love Norah with all my heart, and I would never leave her. What I feel for this other woman is beyond love, it’s reverance.
I met the stunning Lauryn through a mutual friend, at a function where she was asked to say a few words. The intelligence and bravery of her statements were alarming, but her singing was heartbreaking. It was if she spoke for the pain of everyone, myself included. I’ve never seen her since then, but I collect news clippings and bookmark web hits on any information on her. Yeah it’s kind of stalker-ish, but I can’t help it. She’ s amazing. We would never work, love can’t be based upon worship and I get the feeling that she’s a little too conscious of how absolutely brilliant she is. And what me and Norah have is already perfect, but that doesn’t mean I can just let the thought of Lauryn go. So she’s remained my little secret, the other love of my life.
(That’s right. Even in my fantasies I fantasize about Lauryn Hill. I can’t even begin to comprehend what she could be like in real life, she’s so brilliant.)
This song just makes me want to run very, very fast after a pretty girl.
“Get out my life why don’t you. ‘Cause you don’t really love me, no. You just keep me hanging on.” (You can’t really improve on The Supremes)
So I’m not a fan of the model look. Straw thin pale white girls with balloon boobs aren’t my thing (well balloon boobs are but not everyting else). But I normally would say the roided-up and veiny body builder look is just as gross. However there’s nothing sexier than a strong woman, emotionally speaking, and I there’s something very special about a woman who can handle shit and doesn’t need a man to come in and save her (not that I don’t want to).
So here I present to you my favorite sexy strong women. They’re not innocent little girls, but they don’t look like dudes. They’re juuuuust right.
10. American Gladiator Girls
I was a big fan of this show growing up, but when NBC resurrected it a few years ago, I found an entirely new reason to watch. The chicks were hot. I don’t remember if they were in the nineties when I watched as a kid (although the pics I found online would suggest not) but the new batch had some definite sex appeal workin’ to their advantage. Pretty much any of those girls could get it, except Hellga (shivers).
9. Natasha Kai
Now Natasha Kai isn’t that hot, but she’s awesome looking. The starting forward for the US Women’s Soccer National team looks like one of the characters from the new movie Avatar, with her tattoos and exotic face. She’s Hawaiian and is an extreme surfer girl in addition to be a soccer stand up. She could whoop my ass anytime.
8. Sarah Palin
Now Sarah Palin is not necessarily the most physically imposing woman, in fact she’s not even as powerful as she used to be since stepping down from her governorship, but this bitch hunts. Look at the picture below this…
that’s a motherfuckin’ caribou corpse. She gets busy. She’s an outdoorswoman and she’s quite attractive and that qualifies her to be allowed to kick my ass.
7. Laila Ali
The daughter of the greatest, Laila Ali is as beautiful as a butterfly and can sting me anytime. Or get stung (chea!). As the host of American Gladiators she gave me eye candy even during the male events. But she really built a reputation following in her father’s footsteps and beating the shit out of other people. She has a 24-0-0 professional boxing record, and 21 of those wins were knockouts. Although a lot of other female boxers have complained that she has often avoided fighting the top contenders, I just think they’re mad they’re not as pretty as her.
6. Michelle Rodriguez
You may know her ass the rough chick from Girlfight, or the rough chick from The Fast and the Furious, or the rough chick from Lost. Michelle Rodriguez has basically cornered the market on playing rough chicks. That’s basically because she genuinely just seems like a rough-ass chick. That’s ’cause no one else is as good at making you want to kiss them when they’re looking at you like they’re gonna punch you. She’s always worth the risk.
5. Candace Parker
Don’t let the dress fool you. If you haven’t heard Candace Parker is the greatest women’s basketball player ever. Or at least she will be when her career’s over. She’s only played one season in the WNBA (she missed the 2009 season on maternity leave) but she became the first player to win rookie of the year and MVP in the same season. Now I know you’re thinkin’. “This gorgeous chick in the red dress is not a WNBA all-star.”
How bout’ now. Yeah. She dunks too. First NCAA women’s player to dunk twice in a game and the only female to win the McDonald’s High School dunk contest. Be afraid LeBron. Be very afraid.
4. Michelle Yeoh
Michelle Yeoh is the greatest international action heroine ever. Unquestionably. Her training as a classical dancer helped her segue perfectly into martial arts action films where she has built her self an incredible reputation. You probably know her from the breathtaking Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon or that shitty Bond film. She is also a stone cold fox, who I’m pretty sure after years of martial arts, doing her own stunt work, and weapons play in movies, could actually kill you.
3. She-Hulk
When mild-mannered lawyer Jennifer Walters was given a blood transfusion from her cousin, Bruce Banner, she turned into… a huge slut. I’m half joking. She-Hulk gets around. Ya see, instead of being a raging ball of anger like the Hulk, when She-Hulk transforms she goes from inhibited mousy paper pusher, to bodacious and brazen glamazon. And more than a few Marvel heroes have hit that, (as did Juggernaut). But c’mon, like you wouldn’t. Most superheroines despite being crazy strong are still drawn like stick thin models. But not She-Hulk, and I think she’s sexier for it.
Serena Williams
There’s really no other way to put it. “I wanna shove my balls down her fucking throat.” Serena Williams is super hot. Yeah she’s huge, a woman of gargantuan power and proportions. But so is her ass. Her ass is of gargantuan power and proportion. Watching her jiggle and scream and sweat while… playing tennis, is seriously the sexiest thing you will see on CBS this summer. I mean look…
For real. Some of my friends don’t get it but, fuck ‘em. This woman is hawt. And if you’re like me and you’re attracted to talent, she’s the greatest women’s tennis player of our generation (all-time is debatable). Watching her take apart Sharapova in the 2007 Australian Open was one of the greats achievements I’ve ever watched in sports. She’s a fuckin’ beast.
1. Gina Carano
OK so I’m kinda cheating. Gina Carano is technically already mentioned as an American Gladiator, she was the undefeated joust champion Crush. That said as the clear stand out on the show, and the one with the best resume outside the show she deserves further recognition. A Muay Thai fighter, at heart who quickly became the dominant force on the growing women’s MMA circuit, Gina became the face of the sport more because of her demure and sexy personality. And the fact that she looks like this…
She was the reigning champ before she lost a heartbreaking fight to Cris Cyborg (who I believe to be a Terminator). But she is still very much the face of the sport. Now it appears she’ll be branching into the acting game with my favorite director. I cannot wait.
15
Nov
09
Kings of Leon – Manhattan
They remind me of one of my favorite bands growing up , Counting Crows.
“Who needs avenues, who needs reservoirs. We’re gonna show this town hot to kiss the stars.”
12
Nov
09
Fuck You, New York
So I saw New York, I Love You tonight. I was lookin’ forward to it for a couple reasons. One it’s a bunch of short films, by a bunch of different directors, so I was assuming we’d get to see some directors on their artsy shit. Two, I’m planning on doing an anthology film in a similar format in the very near future, so I figured it’d put me on a little game, as well. And on the whole, I enjoyed it. But there was one thing that really bothered me.
There were no black people.
Now, I’m not usually one of those alarmist, NAACP, black folks that grades the TV networks on the amount of blacks they have on TV. Truthfully, black people are overrepresented in the media. We only, make up like 15% of the population, but get a good amount of screen time. The problem is usually the quality of roles, and I’d rather see no black people than see shitty portrayals or see black people playing what are clearly white roles. (Pete from Smallville is for me the worst example of that. That kid could not have been more out of place. Why were they even friends?)
And I honestly couldn’t give a shit, that there were like never black people on Seinfeld and Friends. I actually thought it was kinda realistic that they wouldn’t know any black people. The fact that there were like rarely blacks in the background was funny, I admit but come on. That’s nitpicky. But there are like New York subcultures where you can slide by not having to actually be cool with any black people, still. And that’s fine. If nothing else, the whole issue just made for some good rap punchlines (40 Cal said “take his dough and send ‘em back broke like his spine frail. I’ll put him in all white cast like Seinfeld.” Dipset!).
But this was different.
It wasn’t just that there were practically no black people, (I’ll explain the practically in a second) but it was the fact that a number of the shorts dealt with ethnic identity, or immigration and assimilation. Like half of ‘em. But someone none of them deal with African-Americans. There’s a piece on the ethnic interaction between the Hasidic jewish population and the (what I might be ignorantly assuming to be) the Indian population. There is a piece about a (I think) Spanish painter’s fascination with an Asian woman he regularly sees at a local shop. Another piece about an immigrant bellboy, who I believe was eastern European if not explicitly Russian. And a piece about a Latino dancer, and his mixed race daughter, (the dancer is a darker skinned Latino, like Dominican. Read almost black.) It was like they tried to hit every ethnic group except Black people. It felt like conspicuous exclusion.
I was pissed.
I wasn’t pissed. But I was upset. And the thing is, unlike Friends or Seinfeld, there black people in the background. There’s one clear shot of a homeless black guy. There’s a scene where Hayden Christiansen’s character beats a bunch of black guys in basketball (he may have paid them off to impress a girl, which is offensive for completely different reasons). I noticed one other shot that was two black mothers nursing children in the park, which was sweet, but that was it. Like, really… IT. Can’t a nigga get a bucket drummer up in this bitch. There is black culture oozing out of New York just waiting to be captured, and it’s completely ignored.
And the worst part is, one of the directors is black. Allen Hughes, maestro behind the brilliant Menace II Society directed, probably the most visually stunning piece, a recollection of a one night stand between Bradley Cooper and Drea de Matteo. Two white -ass people. And he should be able to do that. His piece had nothing to do with race and that’s fine. That’s his right, and it show progress that he even gets to do a piece that isn’t a “Black” piece. But c’mon dog. Someone’s gotta represent.
I mean seriously, how the hell do you make a movie about New York and not involve Spike Lee in the first place!?!?
But it’s really not that hard to figure out. Watching this movie, it’s clear that despite it’s arthouse wrappings, this is a movie aiming very clearly for the heartstrings of 40-year-old white people. If the VERY cheesy faux-artsy ending doesn’t tell you that, then I don’t know what to tell you. It is an extremely safe film, filled with very attractive people doing very cute things. And even with Barack Obama as president, black people are not safe, so when an arthouse movie needs to make money we get excluded.
Maybe I’m just being cynical, I don’t know.
08
Nov
09
Brother Ali – Crown Jewel
I can’t think of an MC with a more emotional delivery. And he’s even better live.
“Any word I endeavor to speak, I command you. Diagram a plan to make the devil unhand you.”
08
Nov
09
The Ballad of Marshall Mathers
Slim Shady is back.
And anyone who saw the BET Hip Hop Awards last weekend can attest to it. Eminem may have claimed to have killed off his twisted and crazy alter ego, but he was clearly back in full force at the last Cypher (and even though Em anchors probably the greatest cypher BET has yet to assemble, Mos takes it).
And about time. As one of my friends commented, “It was good to see slim shady re emerge. This Marshall mathers guy was getting old.” Em’s last few releases pre-Relapse were quite weak. He was still and will always be one of the most gifted technical Emcees ever, but that mean streak was missing. Mean streak doesn’t even describe it really. Psychotic homicidal streak or some shit, is more like it.
Relapse was almost a return to form. Almost. Amidst all of the press around Eminem’s near death experience at the hands of a methadone overdose and his subsequent sobriety, Relapse emerged as Eminem’s most tortured work. It’s personal, introspective, honest, and brutal (particularly my favorite track Deja Vu, which convinced me Eminem should no longer have custody of his children, seriously).
But it wasn’t that good. It was too dark.
Gone is Em’s distinctive sadistic humor, ridiculous pop culture references, and social satire. There are flashes of it, “Surfing every channel, until I find Hannah Monatana, then I reach for the Aloe and Lanolin, bust all over the wall pannelin’,” But for the most part he seemed to attempt to cram all of them into the album’s best known single We Made You. Most of the album Em wallows in his problems instead of approaching them with his usual comically ironic distance. Em used to be fun to listen to despite how fucked up everything was. Relapse is just depressing (And then there’s the Triumph the Insult Comic Dog voice he’s still using).
And I don’t know if anyone else has noticed, but Eminem in his recent public appearances, looks miserable. Go back and watch the Cypher. Em’s killing it, but he is not enjoying it. If anyone saw his skits with Tracy Morgan on the VMA’s, Em is funny but he is not having fun. His Tim Westwood freestyle session, dope, but he’s not happy. The Forever video from Drake, murders it, but there’s no joy. Even on Jimmy Kimmel, in his interview or the remote he shoots with Jimmy, He Looks Miserable.
But why? Why isn’t Em as fun as he used to be?
The obvious answer is sobriety, and it’s what all the press focused on. Detailed articles about Em’s overdose and rampant drug use were cover stories in XXL, VIBE, and even Entertainment Weekly. And that was the better story. “Rapper overcomes drug abuse, to get sober and record most personal album yet.” It’s heartwarming, triumphant, and very American. But Em says Relapse is the first time he’s recorded sober in seven years. That would mean that at least one of his first two albums, the Slim Shady LP or the incredible Marshall Mathers LP was recorded (relatively) sober. So although it’s a nice story, I don’t think that’s it.
To find the answer I want to turn to Track 3 on Relapse, a little ditty called Insane. Here’s the song, but don’t listen yet.
Here’s an excerpt from Insane:
I want you to feel like my stepfather felt me (uhmm...) Fuck a little puppy, kick the puppy while he's yelpin (Shady, what the fuck you saying?) I don't know - HELP ME! What the fuck's happening?! I think I'm fucking MELLLTING! "Marshall, I just love you boy, I care about your well-being" NO, dad I said NO! I don't need no help-ing
Now I know what you’re saying. This is Eminem, being the Eminem of old. Makin’ up some crazy fucked up shit, about something people shouldn’t joke about, and actually making it kinda funny. It’s not like he was actually molested by his stepfather or fucked a dog.
Well, no. I don’t think he fucked a dog. And I think this would be kinda funny, if it wasn’t the third verse of the song. And if the first verse wasn’t this:
I was born with a dick in my brain, yeah fucked in the head My stepfather said that I sucked in the bed 'til one night he snucked in and said "We're goin out back, I want my dick sucked in the shed" Can we just play with Teddy Ruxpin instead? "After I fuck you in the butt, get some head, bust a nut, get some rest" The next day, my mother said, "I don't know what the fuck's UP with this kid! The bastard won't even eat nothing, he's scared He just hung himself in the bedroom, he's dead!" "Debbie, don't let that fucker get you upset Go in there, stick a fuckin cigarette to his neck I bet you he's fakin it, I bet you I bet he probably just wants to see how upset you would get I'll go handle this, of course, unless you object" "Aw, go fuck his brains out if any's left in his head"
Now listen to the song. I’ll wait… yeah. It’s not funny, now is it. ‘Cause now you kinda think he WAS actually molested by his stepfather.
But it is Em, and he does make shit up. Even in that Jimmy Kimmel clip he says he makes stuff up (he also says he draws on terrible things that happened to him as a child). And clearly he’s joking, what’s that line about hanging himself in the bedroom, of course that didn’t happen! No, it didn’t. It’s actually the only line that doesn’t seem to ring true. So it got me thinking. Here’s a line from the first verse of Eminem’s first single, My Name Is. Some of you may have missed it because it was completely replaced from on the edited version.
Well since age twelve, I've felt like I'm someone else Cause I hung my original self from the top bunk with a belt
It’s the same shit as the line from Insane. Em’s been talking about his stepfather touching him, since his first record under Dre. We just never knew what he was talking about. Honestly, I think this is the event that birthed Slim Shady. That original self, Em speaks of hanging in two songs almost a decade apart, was Marshall Mathers, and at age twelve the persona that survived the childhood trauma of being molested by his stepfather was Slim Shady.
I know, I know, I’m taking this too far. I’m using pop psychology, double consciousnesses, I saw Primal Fear the other day, maybe the whole birth of Slim Shady thing was too much. But here’s the thing. It makes too much sense.
Eminem has always been at the forefront of accusations towards Hip Hop’s homophobic nature. And the attacks have been deserved. The funny thing is, I can’t think of another straight MC who has so many gay references in his work. For example, from If I Get Locked Up Tonight:
I'm sick enough to fuck a man in his face but I won't cause you'll probably wanna stand in his place So put a sock in it, with your fake-ass Tupac image You faggots ain't tough, you just get drunk and become talkative
In the same four bars Em claims that he would perform a gay act, and then calls others gay for wanting it, and then uses the term faggots. It’s confusing as shit, and runs throughout a lot of his music. A traumatic homosexual experience could explain some of that.
And then there’s this miserableness, all of a sudden. Here’s an interview of him in 2002. Compare it to the recent stuff. His demeanor is very different. Maybe, being completely sober for the first time, Em is finally having to deal with this stuff on the day to day. And it’s not going well. If you’ve been covering up some shit like this with substances for 20+ years, I’m sure when you’re off them, you’re not gonna be the happiest person. And it definitely becomes hard to find the humor in it all. I think Relapse and Eminem’s recent public disposition is the result of him finally having to deal with child abuse.
And whether you fully believe what I’m saying or not, it must be clear that there’s SOMETHING to this.
So why hasn’t this been in any of the press? You would think this would be a big deal. And, I mean he put it out there by writing a song about it. But NONE of the above articles even mention the song. At all. I don’t know. Maybe it just wasn’t as nice of a story as the overdose. Maybe his management thought it’d hurt his image. Maybe he wouldn’t speak about it in person. Maybe everyone thought he was joking. Maybe he was joking and I’ve blown this totally out of proportion. It’s probably a little of everything.
Honestly, I’m just happy that Em is back. The game needs him, depressed, happy, intoxicated, sober, he’s still one of the all-time greats. Supposedly before the end of the year, we’ll be getting Relapse 2. Although I hope we get some more of the humor and fun of Em back, I don’t think we will. On the topic of the new record, Em has this to say:
“The last record I made, I think I was concentrating more on spitting. On this album, I feel like there’s some of that, but I went back to songs with [feelings] to them as opposed to just rap records.”
This album’s gonna be depressing as shit. But it’ll still be dope. And if it’s as soul-searching as Shady’s suggesting it is, this whole molestation thing might get the press it deserves. If, of course, I’m right. Which, you know, I am.
‘Til then I’ll be bumping Em’s new cut Taking My Ball off the DJ Hero Soundtrack. ‘Cause goddamn, when he does turn it on…
…he’s still got it.
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